The Weight I Carry
by DjDangerLove
Summary: When Kili is injured, Fili is reminded just where the weight of the world lies. One-shot.


I've never posted a story for The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, but I've written a few for myself over the years. I've never shared them with the idea that it's in Tolkien's wheelhouse so I should just leave it alone, but this week I decided that I would write a new story and post it, because I don't write this stuff to change anything. I write it to express myself and escape life for just awhile, and maybe some of you will enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I own nothing expect a heart that loves Tolkien's world, and an imagination.

*Although Kili's wound is the same as in Dos, this is a different situation in a different time.

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><p><strong>The Weight I Carry<strong>

There are moments that bind him to a single purpose, moments where his heart beats so that another one can flutter without repercussions. Some say that the weight of the world falls on the shoulders of those born to bear it, but it isn't so. It can't be, because while he has been born under a destiny much too heavy for even the warrior he has trained to be, the world ceases to exist amongst the weight upon his back.

It's with strong fingers against a weak pulse and attentive eyes roaming over an absentminded body that he finds not the weight, but the world itself writhing in his lap, spilling, "Fili," between dry,cracked lips as if trying to remind him that his heart will always be the heaviest thing to carry because that's where the weight of the world lies.

Sometimes he feels the strain of it all, feels as if his heart will flutter with a finality only meant for those who have found the most precious treasure and destroyed it with their own two hands, but somehow he's always managed to hold on to the most valuable piece given to him and that's where it gets him. He's heard people say that Durin's sons were born for greatness, seen the look of conviction in his Uncle's eyes that his birth was for the greater good of the purpose that Thorin's own heart thunders to, but he knows differently. He knows that each breath he takes isn't for the day he sits on a throne or makes a kingly decision, but that it's for the days he spends in the dirt making no decisions at all except the one he's bound to, the one he's been given, and the one he's chosen his purpose to be.

* * *

><p><em>Many years prior...<em>

_Kili, nothing more than a small toddler with a heart too big and a smile too wide, had simply vanished. _

_For once in his rambunctious life, he'd managed to follow instructions perfectly without the slightest modification from his jovial character, but it seemed the world would never give him a flawless victory, for this was the one command he should have never followed. _

_It had been given from the highest authority, according to Kili, of course. Uncle Thorin had his way of commanding him, of frightening him down to a shaking limpet attached to the back of his older brother's leg when he would be met with such fierce power, but as long as his Uncle's eyes were not on him, an electric spark would encourage him that a small amount of disregard couldn't elicit anything that his older brother wouldn't be able to shield him from. It was when said older brother, Fili, gave him an order that he did his very best to follow through. Uncle Thorin's occasional yelling, Kili could handle. The thought of becoming someone that wasn't exactly like Fili, he could not. _

_Therefore, when Kili accidentally broke his older brother's cherished toy sword crafted by the hands of their uncle and Fili told him to, "Get out and leave me alone! Never come back," Kili did just that. _

_Two hours later found Fili searching the landscape around their home for a boy who probably believed he didn't have one anymore. Thorin's deep voice echoed Kili's name as he called for his youngest nephew from the other side of the house and Fili did his best not to flinch as he continued looking for his little brother. _

"_Kili?," he called and did his best not to compare his desperate plea to the stoically, worried call of his uncle. "Kili, come on! I didn't mean it!"_

_He got nothing for his efforts and walked deeper into the forest at the side of their house with one quick glance back at Thorin at the start of another tree line across the way. _

"_You're going to get me in really bad trouble with Uncle if you keep this up," Fili grounded out as he shuffled his feet through leaves and twigs. He opened his mouth to guilt his brother into coming out of hiding, but quickly shut it when a sound slightly to his left caught his attention. Stopping in his tracks, he listened for it again to make sure that it hadn't just been something produced by his moping feet or wishful imagination until his ears rose with delight at the second noise, though it was a sorrowful sound of sniffles. _

"_Kili," he called softly, "come, brother. I'm no longer angry at you." He followed the choked sound of sobs with a tightened heart until he came upon the little boy leaning against a tree with arms around his drawn up legs. _

_Kili rose his head from bony knees to reveal a dispirited face stained with guilty tears and accidental dirt. "B-but you were before! You told me to leave! And I did!"_

"_Yes, I was," Fili said, and took another step forward. "That was my favorite sword! But I-"_

"_I didn't mean to break it! Honest," the younger dwarf defended, unknowingly cutting off his brother's apology. "I know it was your favorite, that's why...that's why I left like you told me to! So you would only be angry and...not hate me." Kili knuckled his right eye, smearing tears and dirt across his cheek before burying his head in his knees again with quiet cries. _

"_Kili!" _

_The eldest dwarf ran forward to kneel in front of the distraught child and laid his hands upon the sides of Kili's hidden head. "Brother, please stop crying! I'm sorry! I do not hate you and I'm not angry anymore."_

"_Y-you don't?"_

_Such a question of simplicity, full of hope and an undeserving amount forgiveness, took Fili by surprise as his young brother's face bravely appeared from its hiding place in search of desperate acceptance and affection from someone who should never give reason to doubt it. _

"_Never, Kili. I promise," the older dwarf assured as he guided a thumb from the hand that still rested at the side of Kili's face across the small cheek bone so that another tear could not trail down his pale skin uselessly. _

_As his little brother's form suddenly crashed into him, forcing him to sit back in the dirt with his arms full of the younger dwarf, Fili chuckled although his heart was anything but weightless, nor would it ever be again. Kili hugged him tight, and the eldest dwarf rested his head against the crown of the one under his chin, and it was then, sitting in the dirt he realized that he wasn't born to fulfill a destiny, or born to follow after Thorin and be a great king. He wasn't even born to be an older brother, but he had been given one, and he chose to try to be the greatest he could be for the world he held in his arms and it weighed more heavily in his heart than anything else laid upon his shoulders. _

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><p>Fili had welcomed the weight then, and he gladly accepts it now as he feels the pounding of his heavy heart between his own body and his brother's head buried in his chest as if it's telling the ear that's listening that for every time your own heart flutters, there's another one to keep yours pacified.<p>

It does, as it has every time a moment appears that binds Fili to his single purpose, and he watches as Kili stares up at him in faith that they'll once again feel another sunrise together against their skin as they share a laugh from deep inside their bellies and Fili chases away the tears on his younger brother's face before it reaches his cheekbone so that hope and the desired sunrise is the only thing that crests.

"You remember the time I told you to leave and never come back after you broke the toy sword Uncle made for me?," Fili questions, drawing Kili's wavering attention away from Oin's healing ministrations from the arrow wound in his leg.

Kili glances once more back down at Oin, but searches almost blindly for his brother when the arrow is jostled in his leg by prodding hands and pain rushes up his body in a blazing heat. Fingers entangle his brother's clothing as Fili says, "Right here, Kili. I'm right here," until the youngest dwarf's gaze is locked on the eyes of his brother.

He nods shakily, forcing his eyes open wide with stinging pain in fear that if he blinks he'll lose the clear vision of his brother once more.

Fili smiles down at him, says, "I thought I was going to get in big trouble from Thorin, you know," and wipes Kili's sweat-drenched hair away from his face.

"Y-you did. Don't you r-remember?"

* * *

><p>"<em>Kili!" <em>

_Thorin's voice caused both dwarves to jump and untangle themselves from their place in the dirt to stand side by side in front of their uncle._

"_Why are you out here? What were you thinking?"_

_Kili sucked in a shaky breath at the anger directed towards him, but it was Fili that stepped forward and nudged the younger boy behind him slightly to shield him. "It's my fault, Uncle. We were playing and...I got mad at Kili and yelled at him. I said- well...he ran off," Fili supplied not quite ready to tell Thorin exactly what it was that was said. _

_Thorin's gaze hardened at Fili knowing that his oldest nephew was trying not to reveal the whole truth, but minutely softened his gaze at the sight of dried tears and dirt on Kili's somewhat frightened face. "We'll speak more of it inside. Kili, are you alright?"_

_Thorin squatted so he could see the boy's downcast face and smiled slightly as he was given a small nod while the boy slowly stepped forward in hopes that his uncle would hug him and forgive and forget the entire incident. Throin made to pick the boy up instead, but Kili stepped back quickly causing his uncle to curiously raise an eyebrow._

"_I...I broke the sword you made for Fili," Kili admitted in a rush, wanting desperately to be forgiven, but unable to let his brother shoulder the anger of their uncle entirely. _

_Thorin glanced between them, rubbed a hand down his face as if thinking about what to do next, but then stood while picking up a surprised Killi, grabbing Fili's hand, and taking them back to the house._

_Stepping through the front door, he placed Kili on the ground and gave him a nudge in the direction of his room. "Clean up your room before your mother returns, then she can see to your punishment as she deems fit. Your brother will discuss his with me. Now, go."_

_Kili looked longingly and apologetically at his brother as he disappeared to his room._

* * *

><p>"M-mother didn't punish me," Kili grounds out as Oin pours water over his wound to clean it.<p>

"Well, of course not," Fili feigns annoyance and makes a show of it for his brother's sake. He finds it well worth it as Kili grins despite everything. "Mother never punishes you! You are, and I quote, _her baby_! She would rather give me both of our lickings, than give you your own," he teases, pulling his brother closer to him to further show he's only being playful.

Kili's grin widens, spreading so that his chapped lips begin to tear in minuscule slits before he bites the bottom one to ride out another wave of excruciating pain as the healer binds his leg. Something rattles in his throat and before he can realize what it is, it's tumbling from his mouth in a desperate sound of half a whimper and a groan.

"Easy, brother. It's almost over. Then, you can rest. It's almost done, I promise. Stay with me, alright?" Fili comforts, forcing Kili to look at him once more with a hand to the side of his face. "What is it you think Thorin gave me as punishment? For making you run into the forrest, I mean."

"You," Kili starts, but trails off with another sound he wishes he could deny. Fili hushes him once, then encourages him to keep talking. "Y-you had to help with record keeping for...f-for two w-weeks. I hardly saw you, save for dinner and going to bed. Y-You complained miserabl-bly. Aye, that was m-my punishment."

Fili chuckles, "Then you were the only one, brother."

"Wh-what? What are you talking about?"

"Uncle did not send me to record keeping."

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><p><em>Fili swallowed as he sat across from his uncle at the dinning table. Thorin had motioned for him to sit as he had done the same, yet several minutes had passed without so much as a glance from the older dwarf. <em>

"_Uncle?" Fili decided to start, but quickly wished he hadn't as Thorin finally looked at him with nothing less than disappointment. He swallowed thickly, but continued. "I'm sorry for getting angry at Kili, for making him run off."_

_Thorin just blinked at him, expecting more. _

"_It was just...I really liked that sword! You made it for me and I...I know it can be replaced...but Kili...he's always touching my stuff and then he broke it and I got mad and yelled at him. I know he didn't mean to do it, but if he would just stop touching my stuff! But... he doesn't have a sword... so he wanted to play with mine and...I shouldn't have yelled at him. I wished I hadn't said what I said, I didn't know he would really think I meant to never come back at all," Fili explained in what seemed like one breath, and if he hadn't been focused on defending himself, he would have noticed the lack of surprise on his uncle's face or him trying not to smile. "But I fixed it, Uncle! I said I was sorry! Promised that I could never hate him, and I'll never, ever do anything like that again. I'm his big brother. He looks up to me, just like you and Mother say, and I...I'll be the best brother anyone has ever seen! Just like you as a king, Uncle. It's my purpose, I know it is!"_

_Thorin wiped a hand down his face, hard-pressed to keep back his emotions at his nephew's speech, but couldn't contain his smile. He ruffled the blonde locks on Fili's head and replied, "Fili, one day you will be a great King and I have no doubt that it will come to pass, and there is only one thing I am more certain of and that is that you will surely live up to your true promise and purpose. Kili is very fortunate."_

"_As am I, Uncle," Fili spoke with more wisdom than given credit for at such a young age. _

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><p>"S-so, he was... not angry at you?" Kili asks after swallowing the pain healing herbs provided by Oin.<p>

Fili shakes his head, but it's surprisingly Thorin who speaks as he approaches his nephews. "How could I direct any more anger at him when he had clearly spent the two hours of your disappearance wallowing in his own? Finding you was punishment enough. Why, it was so easy to find the two of you due to the stench of guilt alone...nonetheless, that he hadn't bathed in days," Thorin winks at the youngest dwarf as he kneels down next to them.

"W-wait? You were there? In...in the f-forest the whole time? So...you knew everything?" Kili asks as he uncurls from Fili just enough to see his uncle. With both of their faces above his own, Kili watches as they share a knowing grin.

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><p><em>Thorin stood from the table and walked around to where Fili sat. <em>

"_What is my punishment?" The young boy asked, swinging his legs apprehensively as his uncle stood next to him. _

"_I think you've learned your lesson, Fili," Thorin replies and lifts the corner of his mouth when Fili looks up sharply. "I heard your apology to your brother-"_

"_You were there the whole time?"_

"_Long enough. Now, your brother mustn't know because he still needs to learn not to run away like that, so we'll need to come up with something for when he asks how badly I've treated you," Thorin chuckled at the thought. _

"_You usually send me to help with record keeping," Fili muttered, even feeling disgusted at the idea. "He'll believe it."_

"_What will you actually be doing? He'll be glued to you otherwise," Thorin pointed out. _

"_Um..If it's not much trouble, I would like to make Kili a sword of his own."_

"_So he can not break anymore of yours?," Thorin amusedly pondered. _

_Fili shrugged. "Well, yes, but also because he doesn't have one and needs one."_

_Thorin walked to the living area in search of his pipe. "And you want to be the one to make it? A simple one from the craftsman will not suffice?"_

_Fili followed and shook his head until the older dwarf turned back around to look at him. _

"_The sword I had was special like all the warriors in battle, because it came from you! A king! Kili's needs to be special, too! His needs to come from-"_

"_A dwarfling prince?" Thorin teased, lighting his pipe._

"_His older brother, so that I can always be there to protect him."_

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><p>"B-but you waited a year later...to gi-give it to me. Why?"<p>

Both uncle and brother watch as Kili fights the side effects of the sleeping herb that Oin has no doubt administered, but Fili knows his brother will not give in until he has all the answers, so he laughs softly, adjusts Kili so he can rest more comfortably now that the healer is finished, and asks a question of his own.

"Do you know when Uncle gave me my sword?"

Kili blinks sluggishly, wondering if he should know the answer before shaking his head and feeling himself lean closer to Fili in an exhausted heap.

"Soon after your father died," Thorin supplies as he shares a look with Fili. "You were too young at the time to know of anything, of course, but Fili was old enough to wonder where he went, and I gave it to him so that-"

* * *

><p>"<em>This sword can help you be brave, Fili," Thorin said, as he knelt in front of his crying nephew and extended the toy sword. "Bravery is in here," he explained as he tapped the tiny chest in front of him, "but sometimes, even the bravest ones gets scared and that's okay. Let this remind you of how brave you can be, because with this, a sword made by the King, made by your uncle, will always be with you to protect you."<em>

* * *

><p>Kili feels his fingers slip from their grip around his brother's clothing and fumbles to make purchase again as he fails to open his eyes from where they had unknowingly closed while listening to Fili speak of the memory. A hand around his puts an end to his fishing and he feels it being gently placed on his stomach. "That's...exactly what you told me...w-when you gave me my sword," he mumbles to his brother around the numbness of herbs and fatigue.<p>

"Yes, when I was going on a two day trip with Uncle. It was the first time we would ever be apart from one another and you were quite frightened."

* * *

><p>"<em>Fili, do you have to go?"<em>

_Kili peeked out from under his blanket as he glanced up at his older brother perched on the side of his bed. Fili smiled down at him and ruffled his hair. "It is only for two days, Kili. Think of all the attention mother will give you now. You'll probably be able to eat as many sweets as you want!"_

"_Even for breakfast?" Kili asked with hopeful eyes and Fili did his best not to appear proud for distracting him with desserts so that he wouldn't catch on to his tactic. _

"_Oh, definitely for breakfast!" _

_Kili wiggled beneath his sheets in excitement at the thought of such indulgence in delicious treats as his brother stood up and went about the nightly routine of assuring Kili that no monsters were inhabiting the dark shadows of their room. _

_That's when his mind backtracked and the tears came once more._

"_Kili." Fili groaned the warning from across the room, but soon traveled the short distance and sat down next to him again. _

"_They'll come when you leave!" Kili explained from around the pillow he buried his face in. _

_Fili thought a moment, but then moved to pick up his little brother as he inquired, "Who?"_

_Kili buried himself into the older dwarf and murmured, "The monsters and they'll eat me!" _

_Fili fought hard not to laugh. "They won't, brother. I promise."_

_Kili stilled, cries subdued, and for the briefest of moments Fili wondered if he would always be able to chase away his brother's fears so easily. "H-how do you know?"_

"_Because look," the eldest dwarf replied while standing up with Kili in his arms. Walking over to the other side of the room, he placed the smaller dwarf on his feet and grabbed something from under a blanket. He handed the toy sword out to the dwarfling who took it with excited hands and surprised eyes. _

"_I made it for you, so this sword can help you be brave," Fili explained as he placed a hand on the side of his brother's neck. "Bravery is in here," he explained as he tapped the tiny chest in front of him, "but sometimes, even the bravest ones gets scared and that's okay. Let this remind you of how brave you can be, because with this, a sword made by a prince, made by your big brother, will always be with you to protect you."_

_With the sword held tightly in one hand, he hugged his brother even more so with his other. After a moment he stepped back and looked at his sword again. "Thanks, Fili! But...but..."_

"_But what?"_

"_How are you reminded to be brave?"_

"_Oh," Fili replied, as he led his brother back over to his bed. He pulled the covers up over him and said, "Well, there's a brave young prince that is quite the mischievous one, and sometimes really annoying. Why, his mother even calls him reckless! And his uncle, oh, don't even ask," Fili spoke as if telling a grand tale and dramatizing in just the right spots to cause his brother to giggle. "But he is brave, I know for certain he is! And between you and I, " Fili leaned in close and began to whisper, " sometimes, I think he's even braver than me!" _

_Kili squealed with delight at his brother and pulled at his hands urging him to keep going. Fili laughed and sat back. "Oh, don't tell anyone, brother, please! It must stay a secret! For if this prince found out he was braver than I, I fear he would not let me chase the monsters away for him anymore."_

_Kili bit his lip to keep from smiling wider and asked, "You do?," with a shocked expression. _

"_Aye, and that would saddened me, because I quite like telling those monsters that they cannot harm this brave prince," Fili nodded, pretending to be somber. _

"_Really?"_

_Fili nodded once more, keeping up his charade. _

"_What's the prince's name?" Kili asked, unable to hide his hopefulness. _

_Fili waited as long as he could, though it was only a few seconds before he cocked his head sideways pretending to think. "Hmm...it's on the tip of my tongue...I know what it is, but I just can't grasp it. It should be so familiar to me! For I think it sounds very similar to my own! Let me think..." He trailed. _

_Kili wiggled anxiously. _

"_Ah ha! Tili! No,no! That's-nope, that's not it," Fili said, covering his grin with his hand as his brother giggled. _

"_Let's see," he continued, tapping a finger to his lips then running through a list of names. "Bili, Dili, Gili, Hili, Jili..."_

"_Kili!" The younger dwarf supplied with such hope that Fili had a hard time narrowing his eyes to keep up the game, but he managed it and squinted down at the dwarfling. _

"_Kili, you say? Hmm... Kili, Kili," he feigned testing the name before grinning widely. "Yes! His name is Kili!" He watched his brother squirm with delight and then leaned back, "Wait a minute! You know, he looks oddly like you. I mean right down to the mangy hair and everything! Why, Kili! It is you! You are the brave prince!" _

_Kili laughed heartedly and sat up with wide eyes. "And I am braver than you?!" _

_Fili pretended to be embarrassed. "Aye, but you must promise me you won't tell Uncle or Mother!"_

"_I won't!" Kili grinned, but then frowned. "But how does that remind you to be brave?" He asked again. _

"_Because, as long as my little brother is being as brave as he can be, then so can I."_

"_Really? You mean...I make you brave?"_

"_Very."_

_Kili lunged at him, hugging him more tightly than he ever had before, then laid back down on the bed as his brother once more adjusted the blankets._

"_Fili?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_I'll always let you chase the monsters away no matter how brave I get," Kili said unshakably, then pulled his brother closer to him and whispered, "But I want us to chase them away together, so that they can't get you either."_

"_Together for every day, Kili. I promise."_

* * *

><p>Preparing to help Fili move his now seemingly sleeping brother to a nearby bedroll near the fire, Thorin stands and makes to pick Kili up, but suddenly his injured nephew rouses once more, but his eyes remain closed while he asks, "Fili?," as he latches onto his brother.<p>

"Yes, Kili?" The elder brother whispers, hoping to lull him back to sleep.

"We'll chase the monsters away together won't we?"

There are moments that bind Fili to a single purpose, moments where his heart beats so that another one can flutter without repercussions. Some say that the weight of the world falls on the shoulders of those born to bear it, but it isn't so. It can't be, because while he has been born under a destiny much too heavy for even the warrior he has trained to be, the world ceases to exist amongst the weight upon his back.

The world exists in the tears soaked into the skin of his fingers after wiping them away from pale cheeks, handmade toy swords offering forged bravery, and his promises that should only be an invaluable string of words but are considered more treasured than gold. The weight of all of it carried deeply in his heart does not weary him. It's the thought of the weight being anywhere else that causes his heart to falter, but he's always managed to hold on to the most valuable treasure he's ever been given, and he knows that it's his purpose to always carry it.

So he just sits in the dirt, his brother in his arms, their brotherhood in his heart, and he only makes one decision. One decision he's bound to, a decision he's been given, and a decision he's chosen to be his purpose for far more greater glory than that of a king, and softly assures, "Together for everyday, Kili. I promise."

And just as many years before, Kili's fears are easily chased away and he relaxes against his older brother, allowing sleep to claim him before the sun settles behind the hills and mountains, locking away this day as a memory both brothers will carry in their hearts forever.

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><p>AN: Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think.<p> 


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